Discover how to criticize people in way that does not hurt them…

Do you hate criticism?
Off course, who doesn’t?
Especially when it’s not coming from your
mentor or teacher or sugar daddy (Kidding!!!)

We all hate people who think they can advise anyone,

And people who usually advise everyone… Everywhere!
But we also know that criticism is very important to our journey towards excellence in life.

So here is how to give criticism without hurting the person you
were just trying to help.

(1) Begin With An Important Question

a- Are you worthy of this criticism?  

Most times what hurts in a criticism is not the
criticism itself but the critic.

If you have a reputation for picking faults,

or you’ve not really done anything good
in the past to be of help to the person… or

you’ve never made any meaningful connection with the person– criticizing them could really hurt.

This is why Nigerians were not happy when President Buhari mentioned
that some of them are lazy. It’s not the fact that’s hurting the people, it’s
the person who acknowledged the fact publicly that’s hurting them.

They feel has not earned the right to criticize them judging by his performance so far as the president of the country.  

See how Communication Affects Leadership. Read!

A simple way out of this is to begin every criticism by acknowledging that
you may not have earned the right to criticize them.

You may even start by acknowledging that we are all human and
liable to make mistakes. People tend to open up when we humanize their

Example: “nobody is perfect. I too am not even close. And that is why it is important for us to help each other by providing important feedback…”

b- Is this the right time?

There is a right and wrong for everything.

If the relationship is still new, give it time before you say anything sensitive.
If you’ve never been in touch before now, keep your criticism first and initiate the relationship. ‘Relationship’ often determines the impact your words or opinion can have on anyone you’re talking to. So build it first.

If the person is going through some moment, allow them to
get well first before bringing up any sensitive conversation.

If the person is already facing some backlash from other people, then find a better way to communicate your ideas differently… since other people are already doing the normal talking.

(2) Start With Praise And Appreciation.

Find something about them to appreciate or praise.
Be sincere about it. If you sincerely look for something good
to acknowledge in people you will surely find it.

Example of some praises that work well:

“I admire your courage…”

“I love your spirit…”

“There are so many things about you that I am afraid many people don’t yet see or appreciate…”

“There are few men I know who are as gifted as you are…”

(3) Ask For Permission

“There is something I want to talk to you about but I don’t want you
to feel bad or angry about my position on the subject.”

“Is it okay for us to talk about XYZ? I have some opinions regarding that
but I want to be sure this is the right time to talk about it.”

“Is this the right time for us to talk about your decisions regarding XYZ? If it’s not I could wait…”

(4) Turn Your Opinions Into Suggestions

When it comes to people’s lives whatever you have is
nothing more than your own ‘opinion’ So stick get that into your head.
Make your suggestions… and don’t turn to an authority over someone’s life… especially if you’re not their parent, boss, mentor, pastor etc.

(5) Offer Alternative Course Of Action

Criticism without solution is bad.

It merely identifies a problem but does not offer useful ideas or solutions to help deal with the problem.

Criticism is designed to help people not to point at their faults alone.

You must have thought a possible solution to the problem before pointing at it.

Suggest a better way to deal with the issue or volunteer to
help them and find one if they are interested.

(6) Don’t Push It – Let Them Chose

One of the best ways to convince people to do anything today
is to let them own their decisions even though it was your
idea in the first place.

So don’t push it. Let them make up their mind slowly.
Say something like, “Look man, I know this is not going to be easy,
and I am not asking you to change immediately…”

“It’s okay if you want to take your time to think about it…”

“It’s very urgent girl but if you need some time to think about it or take that action, I can wait…”

So that’s it!

Do you love these stuffs I shared? Would you like to add something?

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